A reason, a season, a lifetime

People come into our life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.


When you figure out which it is, you will know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spirtually. They may seem like a Godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fullfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. BELIEVE IT!!!! It is real!! But, only for a season

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those you should build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway), and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

poetry for my wounded soul

DEAR CHILD WITHIN

Your salted droplets keep falling like rain,
while I become weary from feeling your pain.

I'm sorry this evil was laid upon you,
it's over, I'm grown, what more can I do?

You hide, yet you scream,"why must it be me?"
I've tasted, I've felt, I've seen what you see.

The pain! it's intense, yet it seems to increase.
Will knowing I love you help make it all cease?

I must be what he couldn't be.
A parent to guide you, your innocence, set free.

Hush! Don't cry. I know you are sad.
together we'll make it, life is not all that bad.

I will guard and protect, I'm the adult here outside.
You, the frightened child within, please! don't hide.

Author: Deneane Magliano (Thomsen) Apr.27,1996
Published by: Quill books
Book Title: Treasure the Moment December 1996



Your Beauty

I see the beauty you can't see
You're unaware of what it does for me
It's the light shining in your eyes
Lifting me up to brighter skies

Still you walk around
And you hang your head
Sometimes wishing
You were dead

But if you could see
What I see in you
There'd be nothing, love,
That you could not do.

Copyright 2005 Marj McCabe ~ All Rights Reserved

My name is Fibromyalgia

Hi..
My name is Fibromyalgia.
I'm an Invisible Chronic Illness.
I am now velcroed to you for life.
Others around you can't see me or hear me but YOUR body feels me.
I can attack you anywhere & anyhow I please.
I can cause severe pain or, if I'm in a good mood...
I can just cause you to ache all over.

Remember when you & Energy ran around together & had fun?
I took Energy from you & gave you Exhaustion.
Try to have fun now!
I also took Good Sleep from you... in it's place, gave you Brain Fog.
I can make you tremble internally...
Make you feel cold or hot when everyone else feels normal.

Oh yeah, I can make you feel anxious or depressed, too.
If you have something planned... or are looking forward to a great day,
I can take that away, too.

You didn't ask for me.
I chose you for various reasons:
That virus you had that you never recovered from, or that car accident,
Or maybe it was the years of abuse and trauma.

Well, anyway, I'm here to stay!
I hear you're going to see a doctor who can get rid of me.
I'm rolling on the floor, laughing.
Just try!
You will have to go to many, many doctors
Until you find one who can help you effectively.
You will be put on pain pills, sleeping pills, energy pills,
Told you are suffering from anxiety or depression,
Given a TENS unit, get massaged..
Told if you sleep and exercise properly I will go away,
Told to think positively
Poked, prodded, and MOST OF ALL...

You will NOT be taken seriously as you feel
when you cry to the doctor how debilitating life is every day.
Your family, friends & coworkers will all listen to you
Until they just get tired of hearing about how I make you feel,
And that I'm a debilitating disease.
Some of them will say things like "Oh, you are just having a bad day"
Or "Well, remember, you can't do the things you used to do 20 YEARS ago"
Not hearing that you said 20 DAYS ! ago.

Some will just start talking behind your back,
While you slowly feel that you are losing your dignity trying to make them understand.
Especially when you are in the middle of a conversation with a "Normal" person
And can't remember what you were going to say next!

In closing..
(I was hoping that I kept this part a secret, but I guess you already found out)..
The ONLY place you will get any support and understanding in dealing with me
is with OTHER PEOPLE WITH FIBROMYALGIA

except the minority of us, who like me,
have support from their husband & their immediate family.

Sincerely, Your Invisible Chronic Illness,

FIBROMYALGIA

(Thank you Denis, children and close friends for your loving care, Janick. xxx)

My Wishes For You * by Sandra Sturtz Hause

May you find serenity and tranquility
in a world you may not always understand.

May the pain you have known
and the conflict you have experienced
give you the strength to walk through life
facing each new situation with courage and optimism.

Always know that there are those
whose love and understanding will always be there,
even when you feel most alone.

May a kind word,
a reassuring touch,
and a warm smile
be yours every day of your life,
and may you give these gifts
as well as receive them.
May the teachings of those you admire
become part of you,
so that you may call upon them.

Remember, those whose lives you have touched
and who have touched yours are always a part of you,
even if the encounters were less than you
would have wished. It is the content of the enounter
That is more important than its form.

May you not become too concerned with
material matters, but instead place immeasurable value
on the goodness in your heart.
Find time in each day to see beauty and love
in the world around you.

Realize that what you feel you lack in one regard
you may be more than compensated for in another.
What you feel you lack in the present
may become one of your strengths in the future.

May you see your future as one filled
with promise and possibility.
Learn to view everything as a worthwhile experience.

May you find enough inner strength
to determine your own worth by yourself,
and not be dependent on another's judgment
of your accomplishments.

May you always feel loved.
These Are My Wishes For You

Journey through hell

Living with sexual abuse is like having a hungry tiger pacing the rooms of your home and periodically attacking you while bystanders sheepishly look on.

When you get hurt, you believe it’s your fault. You believe you should :
- have kept out of IT sight/smell;
- have been nicer to IT;
- have been able to tame IT;
- not have provocked IT;
- have been quick enough to get the hell out
and the list of reasons why you believe it’s your fault just goes on.

It seems obvious that for many victims of sexual abuse, riding out of the storm is a long and painful journey. And yet, we are extremely demanding of ourselves and expect to get over it in the blink of an eye.

Most of us have trouble standing up for ourselves as we move through life. Other difficulties sometimes encounteered by survivors are (this list is not exhaustive)

Anxiety and/or confusion; panic attacks; fears and phobias
Depression—often including suicidal thoughts or attempts
Low self-esteem—a feeling of being flawed or bad
Shame and guilt—over acts of commission and/or omission
Inability to trust themselves or others
Fear of feelings—a need to control feelings and behavior (their own and others’); compulsive caretaking
Nightmares and flashbacks—intensely arousing recollections
Insomnia—and other sleep disorders
Amnesia—memory loss, forgetting pieces of childhood
Violence—or fear of violence
Discomfort with being touched
Compulsive sexual activity
Sexual dysfunction
Hypervigilance—extreme startle response
Social alienation—feeling isolated and alone
Inability to sustain intimacy in relationships and/or entering abusive relationships in which they are revictimized
Overachievement and/or underachievement/underemployment—feeling like an imposter professionally
As adults, becoming abusers and/or protectors
As adults, becoming victims of other abuse
Having split or multiple personalities—or feeling as though they do
Substance abuse—drugs, alcohol, and so on
Eating disorders
Unrealistic and negative body image—feeling distant from their own bodies
Feeling like a frightened child
Hyperconscious of body and appearance
extract of http://surrealist.org/gurukula/abusesymptoms.html

See more progress on: Lived through sexual abuse

Coming out of the closet... (well, sort'a speakin')

Here I am.
Sitting in front of this white page; confronting my demons.
I am sick. No more dilusions.
These letters put together sound wrong. Terribly wrong.
For a while, I tried them in French. Je suis malade. It reminded me of a french song, but still didn't agree with me.
They sound like they don't fit me. They're not suited for me. Not appropriate.
Out of place. Words, misplaced, lost.
Ill-fitted.
And yet, they seemed to have found a home in my resonant mind.
Maybe, even, if I expand my thoughts, I might accept them and learn to deal with this mind-boggling disease named fibromyalgia.
Here.
I said it.
I even named it.

I spend hours researching it while searching my soul... What brought me here? What did I do wrong? Why me, right?

Well, rationally, analytically, I found what fibromyalgia means if I deconstruct the word:
1. ‘Fibro’ refers to fibrous tissues, like tendons, ligaments and fascia.
2. ‘Myo’ refers to muscle.
3. ‘Algia’ means pain. An analgesic is a pain killer.

Hence, the term fibromyalgia refers to pain in muscles and fibrous tissues.

The following description feels somewhat an OK one of how IT feels in my body/soul:

Fibromyalgia is a chronic disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain, fatigue, and multiple tender points.
("Tender points" refers to tenderness that occurs in precise, localized areas, particularly in the neck, spine, shoulders, and hips.)
People with this syndrome may also experience:

• sleep disturbances,
• morning stiffness,
• irritable bowel syndrome,
• anxiety,
• cognitive problems ("foggy mind")

and other symptoms.

The term "chronic neuroendoimmunological dysfunction" for FM and CFS has been recommended by experts but not generally accepted as yet.

It seems that some of those "other symptoms" have decided to dwell in their new habitat: my "hearthly vehicule".

Amongst these, I have to learn to live with and/or conquer :

• Raw, irritable or dry eyes
• Blurred vision
• Unable to stand the cold
• Depression
• Severe headaches and/or migraines
• Dizziness (vertigo)
• Painful or burning muscles
• Nausea or cramps
• Jaw Pain
• Memory loss (blank memory)
• Lack of concentration
• Numbness and tingling (paresthesia)
• Painful feet
• Sensitivity to the environment (heat, cold, sun, weather changes, noise, foods)
• Lack of balance
• Frequent dropping of objects (clumsiness)
• Subjective swelling in extremities (ie. The feeling of swelling with little or no actual swelling being present.)
  

extract from http://www.arthritis.ca/ :

"The heightened experience of pain of people with fibromyalgia often causes them to become less active in order to avoid pain. Decreased activity then causes the muscles to weaken, making future activity more difficult.

Many people with fibromyalgia feel like they are on a downward cycle.

If you are in pain and not sleeping well, it makes sense that you are going to be very tired or fatigued during the day. Being in pain and having no energy makes it difficult to manage normal activities such as maintaining a job and housekeeping, as well as recreational and other leisure pursuits. This can lead to stress and anxiety.

Depression is also common in people with fibromyalgia.

These stresses are made worse by the fact that people with fibromyalgia look “fine” to others.

Thus, it is often hard for them to get understanding and support from family, friends and employers"

WELL.......................................................

I think that's it for a first post on this subject.

I'm exhausted!

Notre famille

Le jour de notre mariage, nous étions tous heureux et sereins, excités et unis.

Quand on met des enfants au monde, ils n'ont pas beaucoup le choix de leurs parents.
Quand on se marie avec un conjoint qui a des enfants, on ne veut pas "s'imposer".

Puis on découvre, sagement, que l'amour, ça ne s'impose pas.
C'est un cadeau. Sans attache.

Je crois qu'il y a un dicton qui dit quelque chose comme ceci :
"On choisit ses amis, pas sa famille."

Dans notre cas, nous avons choisi d'être amis en famille!

Yes! I'm military

This may sound quite “ordinary” but for me, it was quite an achievement.

Not only did I join as a woman, but a 35 yrs old (then!) mom.

On top of that, I once was severely obese. Yes. I lost over 100 lbs, got in shape and managed to pass the physical fitness test to get in, and managed to be exempted (2 yrs exemption if you surpass their standard) on the annual PT test!

See more progress on: Join the Canadian forces

My dog Bear!

I adopted Bear early January.

Her and I were meant to be! The first time I saw a picture of her cute lovely cudly face, it’s as if she was calling me! I was so disappointed to find out she had already been adopted (that was in November). And then, one day, I came home to a voicemail message asking me if I was still interested in adopting Bear since her adoption family had realised they were not “dog people”. I thought that was pretty odd about them but was thrilled for me and my family.

Since January, Bear is living with us and she is the most loyal, enjoyable, lovable, intelligent, sensitive, friendly, cudly cute dog-friend I’ve ever known.

I believe in miracles and seek for them all the time… in big and small things, but mostly, in everything.

I thank the Big Guy up there for His perfect plan He has for all of us … and for having Bear part of my Life Plan!

See more progress on: Adopt a dog(s)

A magical day

We got married in the Fall, on the Thanksgiving week-end.

It was simply magical. We chose a medieval theme along with a “hand fasting” ceremony.

Right in our backyard too!

Simply magical! Another blessed miracle in my life!

See more progress on: get married