Sitting in front of this white page; confronting my demons.
I am sick. No more dilusions.
These letters put together sound wrong. Terribly wrong.
For a while, I tried them in French. Je suis malade. It reminded me of a french song, but still didn't agree with me.
They sound like they don't fit me. They're not suited for me. Not appropriate.
Out of place. Words, misplaced, lost.
Ill-fitted.
And yet, they seemed to have found a home in my resonant mind.
Maybe, even, if I expand my thoughts, I might accept them and learn to deal with this mind-boggling disease named fibromyalgia.
Here.
I said it.
I even named it.
I spend hours researching it while searching my soul... What brought me here? What did I do wrong? Why me, right?
Well, rationally, analytically, I found what fibromyalgia means if I deconstruct the word:
1. ‘Fibro’ refers to fibrous tissues, like tendons, ligaments and fascia.
2. ‘Myo’ refers to muscle.
3. ‘Algia’ means pain. An analgesic is a pain killer.
Hence, the term fibromyalgia refers to pain in muscles and fibrous tissues.
The following description feels somewhat an OK one of how IT feels in my body/soul:
Fibromyalgia is a chronic disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain, fatigue, and multiple tender points.
("Tender points" refers to tenderness that occurs in precise, localized areas, particularly in the neck, spine, shoulders, and hips.)
People with this syndrome may also experience:
- sleep disturbances,
- morning stiffness,
- irritable bowel syndrome,
- anxiety,
- cognitive problems ("foggy mind")
and other symptoms.
The term "chronic neuroendoimmunological dysfunction" for FM and CFS has been recommended by experts but not generally accepted as yet.
It seems that some of those "other symptoms" have decided to dwell in their new habitat: my "hearthly vehicule".
Amongst these, I have to learn to live with and/or conquer :
- Raw, irritable or dry eyes
- Blurred vision
- Unable to stand the cold
- Depression
- Severe headaches and/or migraines
- Dizziness (vertigo)
- Painful or burning muscles
- Nausea or cramps
- Jaw Pain
- Memory loss (blank memory)
- Lack of concentration
- Numbness and tingling (paresthesia)
- Painful feet
- Sensitivity to the environment (heat, cold, sun, weather changes, noise, foods)
- Lack of balance
- Frequent dropping of objects (clumsiness)
- Subjective swelling in extremities (ie. The feeling of swelling with little or no actual swelling being present.)
extract from http://www.arthritis.ca/ :
"The heightened experience of pain of people with fibromyalgia often causes them to become less active in order to avoid pain. Decreased activity then causes the muscles to weaken, making future activity more difficult.
Many people with fibromyalgia feel like they are on a downward cycle.
If you are in pain and not sleeping well, it makes sense that you are going to be very tired or fatigued during the day. Being in pain and having no energy makes it difficult to manage normal activities such as maintaining a job and housekeeping, as well as recreational and other leisure pursuits. This can lead to stress and anxiety.
Depression is also common in people with fibromyalgia.
These stresses are made worse by the fact that people with fibromyalgia look “fine” to others.
Thus, it is often hard for them to get understanding and support from family, friends and employers"
WELL.......................................................
I think that's it for a first post on this subject.
I'm exhausted!
